You're so nebulous sometimes
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
