Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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