I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
