How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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