once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Enjoy the penises
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
