we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
