can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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