i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
