the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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