I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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