I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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