You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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