Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
