waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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