I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
