Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
