using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just want nice things and good sex
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
