toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
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