dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
