Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
