im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
