is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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