just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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