we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
