Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize