I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
