alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
