About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
My balls are so social today.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
