Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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