Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
