Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
