shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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