I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
