Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what day is it and did you see me today?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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