If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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