The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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