i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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