My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
