with your own penis?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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