Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
