i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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