and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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