So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This is my life. Enjoy the view
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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