i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
