Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
someone threw a dead crab at me
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
