i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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