i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
