we're chasing vodka with high fives
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
