Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
