I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
