My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
