i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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