I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
be right there i have to get my cape
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
