put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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