Small penises have feelings too.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
