I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
