I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
