We named our party play list daddy issues
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
