i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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