he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
