she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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