Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
