the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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