I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
