The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize