thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
