Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
