Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm sobbing to NWA
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
