in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
