having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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