Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
