he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
