I faked an abortion last night.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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