i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
