One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
