Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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